Aug 262011

Unless you’ve been living under a rock you’re aware that Irene is heading for the east coast of the United States. If you have been living under a rock, this Irene is a hurricane, not your great aunt.

I don’t normally watch television. I get the bulk of my news from Facebook the Internet, but since I’ve got a kid living on the east coast now, I’ve been watching The Weather Channel: I can’t change the course of Irene, but at least I should know what’s going on. (Or as they say on The Weather Channel, I should monitor the situation.)

OMG. The Weather Channel!

A whole channel devoted to pre-tragedy-panic! And yikes, I thought the women of Fox News were … (oh, never mind, I’m sure to offend someone!) but, how does she keep her eyes open THAT wide open without ever blinking? And balance on THOSE shoes?

Tidbits from Mayor Michael Nutter of Philadelphia: “Go stay with someone who is not in the flooding zone. Stay with them until the flooding is over. Do not return until the flooding is over.” (Step-by-step common sense.) “Chances are good your house will flood.” (While you’re at it, can you tell me when we’ll achieve world peace?) “We will not issue an evacuation: people in the viewing area need to leave.” (Wait! I’m viewing… from Colorado.) “We are stopping all public transportation… ” (Leave. but… first, buy a car.)

Eric Fisher in Virginia Beach said with great authority and intensity as the camera panned over to the shoreline: “Down the beach you’ll see some rollers starting to come in.” (I didn’t see any “rollers”, but did see the Jones, Anderson, and Smith families frolicking in the waves… which does nothing for the authority and intensity.)

“If everyone will use their common sense… we’ll be fine,” said Lt. Gov. Walter Dalton right after the televised segment called, “real time reports from social media,” about twitter posts relating to Irene. From mimi711: “Will it rain so hard I won’t want to leave my house?” (Dear Lt. Governor, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don’t count on “everyone’s common sense!!!”)

“I do NOT want you to relax. Do not focus on the category. Focus on the impacts!” (Translation: Focus on that which has not happened. Focus! FOCUS!!)

You can pretty much insert weather related vocabulary here and there in the following string of words and have the 24 hour Weather Channel transcript verbatim: Major. Tremendous. Large. Huge. Strong (Ahem! Minds out of the gutter, please.) Pressure. Potential. Threat. If and when. Emergency. Hazard. Evacuations. Severe. Stay tuned, we’re going to have much more… (of the same!?!)

Ssshhh!! WAIT. I need to focus. It’s Michael Bloomberg, the mayor of New York City: “Evacuation… Mandatory… all five boroughs… Emergency services not provided… Better to be safe than sorry… rock-a-ways… (sp?)” (I don’t know this word. Yikes, new word. Dictionary please!)

So excuse me now. I have to go find a dictionary. And then I need to stop focusing on visions of the hundreds of rats running up the walls of the stairwell to avoid drowning, all while Caroline gropes in the dark to get out of her collapsing building, or visions of her suffocating because she gets trapped in a subway car when the power goes out, or visions of…

I’ve been watching for two days. I think I need a break.

  2 Responses to “FOCUS!!”

  1. Girlfriend! Wow! Can’t say I wouldn’t be there if it were mine. But I think you need a glass of wine or maybe something stronger. Go sit on your beautiful front porch and text your daughter to call you often throughout the weekend. And pray. He is ultimately the only one in control at this point. Love you! I’m praying too.

    • Exactly! This is what happens when you watch too much of The Weather Channel!! I turned it off, but a glass of wine…hmmm…join me? Oh, wait, it’s only 3:30 in the afternoon.

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