This Scream Can’t Escape

I used to drink a ton of coffee, but in January, for health reasons, I switched to herbal tea. One morning, about a week and a half after I’d stopped drinking coffee, he said he didn’t like drinking coffee without his coffee-drinking partner, so he, too, switched to herbal tea. He became a tea connoisseur.…

Fragmented

As I lay my newborn grandson down on the changing table, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude to God for this little one's life, his perfect features, his soft newborn skin, and the next moment tears are flowing because I can’t share this joy with the love of my life, so I’m crying out to God that I don’t…

Saturday

Saturday marked one month after your death. It was appropriately sandwiched between Good Friday and Easter.  I feel like the rest of my life will be a Saturday between Good Friday and Easter.

Frustration. Defeat. Repeat.

So many things need to be decided. I wish you were here to help me. I need answers to questions I never dreamed I’d ask. You’d figure it all out if you were here. You’d make the calls if you were here.  If you were here… • I’m not sure if it’s the global pandemic…

I got upset with her this morning

I got upset with her this morning. She handled it well, but I ended up feeling like a horrible mom. It’s the fear again. It creeps in to every little thing.  Why does grief feel so much like fear? Terror, really.  She missed two full weeks of school, so she’s behind. Her on-line tutors are…

I woke up really early

I woke up really early; I sat on the couch and stared out the window; I must have fallen back to sleep. I dreamed about you. I dreamed that I was on the sidelines of a soccer game. Madeline had just run over to give me her earrings which is weird because the holes in…

A snapshot of joy

As I ran, storms threatened and the sky darkened. I kept my worried eyes trained on the greying sky. The clouds pressed down and made me feel hurried and agitated. At the halfway point, I turned around. I remember a “WOW!” escaping as I exhaled. The blue of the sky caught me by surprise. Fluffy…