I used to drink a ton of coffee, but in January, for health reasons, I switched to herbal tea. One morning, about a week and a half after I’d stopped drinking coffee, he said he didn’t like drinking coffee without his coffee-drinking partner, so he, too, switched to herbal tea. He became a tea connoisseur.…
Saturday
Saturday marked one month after your death. It was appropriately sandwiched between Good Friday and Easter. I feel like the rest of my life will be a Saturday between Good Friday and Easter.
Frustration. Defeat. Repeat.
So many things need to be decided. I wish you were here to help me. I need answers to questions I never dreamed I’d ask. You’d figure it all out if you were here. You’d make the calls if you were here. If you were here… • I’m not sure if it’s the global pandemic…
I got upset with her this morning
I got upset with her this morning. She handled it well, but I ended up feeling like a horrible mom. It’s the fear again. It creeps in to every little thing. Why does grief feel so much like fear? Terror, really. She missed two full weeks of school, so she’s behind. Her on-line tutors are…
I’m sure there are things I should be doing
I’m sure there are things I should be doing. I’m sure of it, but can’t think of what those things are. I’m even more forgetful than I ever was. I write lists and walk away and don’t look at them again. I make phone calls and end up on hold. After being on hold for…
I’m overwhelmed by so much these days
I’m overwhelmed by so much these days, mostly by how much I miss you. I can’t see an end to this sadness. Honestly, I don’t even want an end to this feeling. It’s all I am capable of feeling right now, and thinking about feeling different in the future means looking into a future without…
I woke up really early
I woke up really early; I sat on the couch and stared out the window; I must have fallen back to sleep. I dreamed about you. I dreamed that I was on the sidelines of a soccer game. Madeline had just run over to give me her earrings, which is weird because the holes in…
My very last homeschooler has her second-to-last first day of school. Or something like that.
First day of school pictures aren’t a thing around here because we’re usually in our PJs, and this year was no exception. And also, I completely didn’t think of it. Monday, our first official day of the 2019/2020 homeschool year, Madeline was up before the sun to log in to her online class, so we…
A snapshot of joy
As I ran, storms threatened and the sky darkened. I kept my worried eyes trained on the greying sky. The clouds pressed down and made me feel hurried and agitated. At the halfway point, I turned around. I remember a “WOW!” escaping as I exhaled. The blue of the sky caught me by surprise. Fluffy…
Just sitting here thinking about my phone
In our family, the kids don’t get their own cell phones until they get their driver’s licenses. Sammy got his license a few weeks ago, but we decided to wait a bit before getting him his own phone. We told him he was getting one in September when Verizon rolls out a new plan. (To…