Do Things

On New Year’s Eve, I thought about the many resolutions I’d made in the past either to do something extra or to give something up. I know, New Year’s Eve was almost four months ago, but time both slogs on and slips by, so here I am, still thinking about my New Year's resolution. In…

Tomorrow

All month I’ve been thinking about what I was doing a year ago. Today is especially sobering. Last year on this day, I had no idea what tomorrow would bring. I thought, like every day that came before it, that I knew what my tomorrow would look like. This life on earth is fragile, and…

I’m fine

I haven't been able to write. My whole life is so different, and one of the many ways it’s different is that words just don't seem to work anymore. I type words, read them, and delete them; this goes on and on because words don't mean what they used to. I'll sit down to write…

This Scream Can’t Escape

I used to drink a ton of coffee, but in January, for health reasons, I switched to herbal tea. One morning, about a week and a half after I’d stopped drinking coffee, he said he didn’t like drinking coffee without his coffee-drinking partner, so he, too, switched to herbal tea. He became a tea connoisseur.…

Saturday

Saturday marked one month after your death. It was appropriately sandwiched between Good Friday and Easter.  I feel like the rest of my life will be a Saturday between Good Friday and Easter.

Frustration. Defeat. Repeat.

So many things need to be decided. I wish you were here to help me. I need answers to questions I never dreamed I’d ask. You’d figure it all out if you were here. You’d make the calls if you were here.  If you were here… • I’m not sure if it’s the global pandemic…

I got upset with her this morning

I got upset with her this morning. She handled it well, but I ended up feeling like a horrible mom. It’s the fear again. It creeps in to every little thing.  Why does grief feel so much like fear? Terror, really.  She missed two full weeks of school, so she’s behind. Her on-line tutors are…

I woke up really early

I woke up really early; I sat on the couch and stared out the window; I must have fallen back to sleep. I dreamed about you. I dreamed that I was on the sidelines of a soccer game. Madeline had just run over to give me her earrings, which is weird because the holes in…